Crime Expert BURL BARER. Edgar Award Winner and NYT Bestselling Author

The Ultimate Photographer! Fred Wolfson.

Fred Wolfson is already famous as a world class private investigator -- now he is even more famous as the finest photographer in Los Angeles!  Whatever you want photographed -- be it for your career, a family event or any occasion, it will look better if you have it done by Fred Wolfson of Look Better Photography. Trust me, Fred is fantastic. Here is a recent head shot taken by Fred. Good, huh? Go ahead. Get hold of him. His prices are reasonable and the results are excellent.

 

Teenage Girl Beaten by Deputy

The Ventures and Fabulous Wailers! WOW!

McDonald's Corporate Policy -- DON'T MIX SAUCES.

 In August of 1984 I stopped into a McDonald's in Richland Washington for the singular purpose  of buying an ice cream sundae.
 

 They had two flavors: chocolate and caramel. For your money, you received a big blob of vanilla ice cream covered with TWO PUMPS of syrup.

 I paid my money, and asked for ONE PUMP of chocolate and ONE PUMP of caramel.

 "I can't do that," said the waitress, trembling at the very thought. "Yes you can, it's simple." I demonstrated the divine art of pumping the lever. "No, I mean I am forbidden by corporate policy. I am not allowed to MIX SAUCES." I looked around furtively. "Shhhhhh We are alone I am the only customer. I'll never tell. I'm sure they don’t do a sauce audit measured by pumps -- no one will know." She still refused. "OK, I'll pay you twenty-five cents extra for one pump of caramel on a chocolate sundae, or one pump of chocolate on a caramel sundae."

 Beads of perspiration broke out on her already broken out forehead. "Okay, but I'm not putting the sauce directly on the ice cream -- I'll put it on a little piece of plastic and YOU put it on. I’m not taking responsibility for the sauce being on the ice cream" Damn! This woman seems obsessed with the paranoid delusion that Ronald is not clowning around when it comes to his recent edict: Mix the Sauces; File for Unemployment. 

SEX ON THE CITY BUS -- an exchange student requirement.

A friend of mine is currently dealing with the culture shock of her 15 year old Brazilian exchange student - poor girl longs to go back to the simplicity of her little village.  I offered the following true story and resultant advice, which I share with you today as a public service.
-----------
Dear XXXX:

We had an exchange student from Germany who came for one reason and one reason only -- Burger King Whoppers. It was Mad Cow Disease time in EU, and there was no beef, plus Whoppers in Germany were about the price of a good used Volvo wagon (automatic, not manual).

He also had culture shock. "Is it true," he asked me, "that in America I can't have sex with a girl in my own bedroom at home, and that the law is that we must have sex in a car?"

"Yes," I assured him, "that is the law."

"But under the terms of my coming here, I cannot have a drivers license or drive a car. How am I supposed to have sex if it is a law that I cannot have sex in my own room here?"

"It is for precisely this reason," I explained, "that we have an elaborate system of city buses." I then detailed the numbering system for him: the #1 was for people of either gender who were "by themselves," #2 was for couples, and the higher numbers were for the more adventurous and diverse. 

"But are there not children on the bus as well," he asked with obvious concern.
"Well, yes, but they are not allowed to participate. The driver watches in his rear view mirror to make sure that the little ones behave. Kids 13-15. however, do get school credit in sex education if they take notes and pictures and give a report to the class at the end of the quarter."

He seemed rather saddened by these most unusual cultural conditions, sighed, and then asked one more unrelated question. "I heard that in America the Footballers control the school. Is that true?" By footballers he meant "jocks" or foot ball players.

"Yes, absolutely. They have complete dominance over all aspects of your life while you are there. You must obey them at all times, do whatever they ask - no matter how degrading, humiliating, or `against nature.'

If you should have problems of pain or rectal bleeding -- most common the 
first week or two until you adapt -- there is a school nurse available."
Needless to say, his first few days of high school were characterized by a high level of anxiety. He nervously yet emphatically declined purchasing a student discount bus pass.

He was a nice kid, and we overlooked him coming home stoned out of his mind from hanging out with the son of an old pal of mine whom I knew smoked more pot than every member of the Grateful Dead combined. When he decided, however, to smoke a joint in the house on the last day of school, and just before we were taking him on a vacation to Palm Springs for two 
weeks, we had to intervene.

Under terms of his exchange, we were to report him if he did
drugs. As it was a Federal Program, he would have not only been kicked out, but forbidden to ever return to the USA. So, we violated the terms, didn't report him, but made him call his mom and tell her that he screwed up by smoking dope in the host family's house. The silly kid didn't think us old folks would know the smell! It was my then wife who busted him.."I was you age in the '60's! Of course I know dope when I smell it, especially cheap 
skunk weed like the crap you're smoking." 

So, perhaps you should take your little Brazilian student, get her high, and put her on the #2 bus. By the time she gets back from her ride, she will be completely Americanized and begging to go to the mall.

Best regards,

Burl Barer

http://outlawcrime.com

Jan Curran's New Book, ACTIVE SENIOR LIVING !

Active Senior Living  -- click on this and you will go directly to the real page to get this book in paperback or instant download! Jan Curran is one of my favorite authors. In fact, she was the first member of my immediate family to have a book published by a major publishing company -- YES, she is my SISTER.  Hey, genius obviously runs in the family. This is her second book, and you MUST add it to your library - warm witty wise and wonderful, indeed!

by Jan Curran

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Jan Curran, a vivacious socialite and 
newspaper reporter, reluctantly moves 
into an Active Senior Living complex to 
recuperate from a brutal battle with 
cancer. She tackles the surprises and 
challenges of her new life with warmth, 
wit, and courage, meeting a colorful cast of unforgettable characters in an often hilarious yet profoundly moving story of friendhip and hope.

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Katherine Ramsland Forensic Hottie LIVE this Saturday on TRUE CRIMES!

SATURDAY -- Katherine Ramsland-- on TRUE CRIMES!

astonishing CRIME HOTTIE-and author of more books than most people have ever read, joins Burl and Don to reveals how reality differ from fiction and how forensic psychologists actually use their knowledge of human behavior and motivations as consultants in criminal investigations-as well as detailing the real cases that influenced some of Criminal Minds's and CSI'smost memorable episodes. 

She is also an expert on VAMPIRES!!!

 

Dr. Katherine Ramsland has a MA in forensic psychology from the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, a master's degree in clinical psychology, and a Ph.D. in philosophy. She has published thirty-five books, including True Stories of CSI, Inside the Minds of Serial Killers, Inside the Minds of Healthcare Serial Killers, Inside the Minds of Mass Murderers, The Human Predator: A Historical Chronology of Serial Murder and Forensic Investigation, The Criminal Mind: A Writers' Guide to Forensic Psychology, and The Forensic Science of CSI. With former FBI profiler Gregg McCrary, she co-authored The Unknown Darkness: Profiling the Predators among Us, with Professor James E. Starrs, A Voice for the Dead, a collection of his cases of historical exhumations, and with Henry C. Lee, The Real World of the Forensic Scientist. She has been translated into ten languages and has published over 900 articles on serial killers, criminology, forensic science, and criminal investigation. She writes a regular feature on historical forensics for The Forensic Examiner (based on her history of Forensic science, Beating the Devil’s Game) and teaches forensic psychology and criminal justice at DeSales University in Pennsylvania. Her most recent book is The Devil’s Dozen: How Cutting Edge Forensics Took Down Twelve Notorious Serial Killers. In addition, she has published biographies of Anne Rice and Dean Koontz and penned three books about penetrating the world of “vampires” (Piercing the Darkness), ghost hunters (Ghost), and the funeral industry (Cemetery Stories).  

Katherine joins Don Woldman and me this coming Saturday as our guest on TRUE CRIMES. Listen and enjoy!